Sometimes all I can do is watch BuzzFeed videos. One after another. Every click thinking of what I should be doing. Without the ability to do it.
Sometimes all I want is connection. Desperate to talk to someone. Find a deep connection and be able to bear my soul. Have them understand. It never comes.
Sometimes I feel that I’m in the right place but its all wrong. Wrong university. Wrong attitude. No personality to show.
I once had an identity crisis because I was asked what type of shoe represented me.
Thoughts bounce around in my head
I want to tell someone
Have someone understand
But I need to build a close relationship first
Once thats built, I think, I can have that person
But when I do build, I can’t escape the barriers of expectations
This feeling is not new, I know it well. Like an old friend, who isn’t really a friend at all.
Sometimes, my head is so full, there doesn’t seem to be room for a relationship with God, let alone anyone else.
I’ll go to sleep. When I wake up it’ll all be different, this feeling a memory.
Until the next time.