I thought they didn’t care as much as I do
Maybe I just think more,
Expect something that isn’t true
On my 21st birthday I was shocked at how much love I received. I have friends accross the country, my main groups being friends from home and friends from uni. They’re very different people. My uni friends are the group I’d thought my other group should be. My home friends are the ones who understand me from where I’d come from more.
One of the biggest surprises that my birthday brought was the card and present from my oldest, bestest friend. We have known each other since we were 4, grown up together inthe same classes right the way through school. We went to different universities and, compared to what we were, drifted apart. In the first couple of years I’d text her every now and then and we’d have a bit of a catch up, but half way through last year I made the decision to stop, because she didn’t do it first and that was just hurting me.
The week of my birthday, she sent me the nicest card and present. To be honest, I assumed that she probably didn’t think of me as her best friend any more, she has this life at university with new friends who probably know her current self better than I do. So, when I got a card to ‘my best friend’ with the most lovely message inside and a plaque saying ‘no matter how far apart, good friends always stay close to the heart’ it changed the way I see our friendship.
I’ve never liked the idea of not regularly talking to your friends. So many things get shown on facebook about how the best friends are the ones you don’t talk to for ages and then can pick up where you left off when you do see each other. They never sit right with me. I like to be secure in my friendships and that kind of relationship makes me feel insecure, always guessing about the other person. Maybe that’s just my insecurity that I need to get over.
I assumed that my friends felt one way about me, my 21st birthday proved me wrong. Maybe I just need to develop that confidence in myself and my relationships that things don’t need to, and can’t always, be how I might think they should. Maybe I need to learn to stand firm in myself and let my relationships benefit from that. Maybe I’m nearly there.