She is an arty type. Musically talented. Able to sing, act and draw. Able to do everything that I love but am useless at. She probably makes YouTube videos and has a group of cool friends to be arty and live this different kind of life with. She is a performer at heart, hanging out with all these other performer, drama types. In that community, the oddballs find their place, being able to show off who they are. Somehow, these types of people find each other and form these amazing tight knit communities, families where they all belong.
Somewhere, she lives inside of me. She is modelled on real people I know and have admired. I can’t access her talents, as much as I might want to. Maybe one day I’ll marry an arty type, have this wonderful half and half life, being able to enjoy the community whilst using my real talents. Maybe I’ll never be a part of it, destined to be an admirer.
I wish I was that person, with a life so different to mine. But I can’t be that person. My calling is something different, I’m not meant to be there. Its time to fill my own shoes, find a place where only I fit. I’m on my way, don’t fill it yet. Sorry, I took the long way round.
Is there any other way?