Mind My Eczema

“The most important thing is to moisturise”

If only she knew,
That I moisturise,
Every day,
Every hour.

If only she knew,
That my hands decided they didn’t like this moisturiser,
Or that one,
Maybe this one,
But not in that form.

If only she knew,
The emotions every time I’m given a new cream,
The hope,
Maybe this one will be the miracle,
The fear,
What if it causes more problems?
The lack of a stable treatment I’ve faced for years.

If only she knew,
That my hands slide off everything,
My grip is non-existent,
The thick ointment is the only one that works,
Only it doesn’t work for function.

If only she knew,
How much I hate being like this,
The embarrassment of it,
The insecurity,
Wishing for normality.

If only she knew,
That the ‘experts’ don’t help,
Just tell me I have to live with it,
Shrug it off like its nothing,
As if I’m not the expert of my own body.

If only she knew just how hard it is living with eczema,
Maybe then she wouldn’t of had a crying mess in her office.
A 5 minute blood test turned a 50 minute discussion.

If only they knew,
That having eczema isn’t just dry skin,
Its cuts appearing when I think I’ve got it cracked,
Its never knowing if something new is going to help,
Or send me into another cycle of itchiness and discomfort.

If only I knew how to accept this,
Adaptation and acceptance,
The advice I’d give anyone else,
I just can’t seem to find it for myself.


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